*

# A man who truly loves you will never let you go, no matter how hard the situation is.

# A woman who truly loves you will be angry at you for so many things, but will stick around.

Stronger Than Ever

What you gave me I know you gave me
You remind me all the time
And how you hurt me and you don't see it
Again I am the child

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

I'm tired of walking on eggshells so terrified to fail
And in order to please you I've abandoned myself
And though it used to hurt me when you push me away
I'm stronger than ever, you made me this way


How I wish you, you suffered less too
It tears us both apart
And it's not pretty the way you criticize me
And how it breaks my heart

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

How I wish you knew, how much I need you
I feel like running but I can't abandon you
You avoid my gaze, withdraw from me these days
You punish me for trying to be all that you wanted
What more can I do?

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

RM110K

Ok Ducati sexy di atas berharga RM110K. Mane nak cari RM110K, you tell me. Semalam aku pergi Lot 10 membe nak jumpe membe skali terjumpe Ducati kat concourse area tu. Mase tu dah around 11 dah nak tutup dah pun. Aku snap aaa a few pics sebelum blah. Sekali crew kat sane offer aku nak try naik. Aku macam blur blur in doubt aku tanye eh boleh ke. Dia cakap boleh jek. Naik jek. Hahah aku buat muke excited naik. Snap snap. Sekali perempuan datang hey you're not allowed bla yada yada. Derrrrr aku kejab jek kot. Apsal perempuan tak boleh tengok hidup perempuan senang -______-"

Ok ini kesayangans aku. :)

Tahi.

Aku masuk office. Table aku penuh gila barang. Ye la last friday I had an away day with BBDO and yesterday I went for the Happy Feet 2 shoot. Tak sempat sempat nak balik office. As much as I miss my keyboard, aku rase sangat tension bila tengok barang berselerak kat table aku. Contract la, lightbox poster la, leaflets la magazines la. Nak mampus pagi-pagi dah spoil my mood. Bukak je email ambik kau over than 100++ inbox aku tak baca lagi. Badan aku terus jadi panas. Dengan colleagues aku yang sibuk check chinese copy dengan aku. Tak nampak ke aku banyak kerja wei. Urghhhh. Nak buat kerja but I dun kno where to start. Aku macam -_____________________- last last ended up kat blog ni lepas geram.

I'm currently killing two birds with one stone or chinese saying 'single leg kick all'. My former partner left me alone and I need to settle everything by my own. Serve me right. Aku patut buat blur blur masa nak perform few months ago. Perform tak perform sama jek probation 6 bulan. Macam tahi. Paling busuk aku probation kat agency within a month jek orang dah confirm aku. Masa practical aku dah dapat gaji. Aku bukan nak berlagak tapi serious rasa macam ba alif ba ya kalau ade orang took advantage of me. Ape jadah dah confirm sah sah ade increment, lepas tu ade plak a stupid rule cakap kalau this year dah ade increment next year tak de increment. Pergi jahanam.

Gaji macam tahi. Aku buat kerja pun macam tahi. Paham? Cepat dapat bonus aku nak blah.

The Irony

Nowadays in movies or even drama, whenever the plot is about fight against terrorism, the bad guys almost surely carry a muslim names and the muslims are the bad guys. Seems like terrorism is always connected to Islam. But the weird thing is terrorism was first introduced to the world not by muslims. The world's chaos we see now wasn't started by muslim neither. The so called 'world police' goes around the world wrecking governments, toppling leaders and nations, assassinating as they wish, bribing to get things their way, supplying weapons to one side and then turn their backs on the very same people. But they are hailed as the world's moral police, the hero, the civilized ones. Ironic? You bet.

That is why I love Monday.

I miss you lots, Tun.

FAT MASS: 13.8 KG. FAT TO LOSE: 4KG.

My metabolism is decreasing. Sigh.

TAKUT.

.

May 2011 - 120 Model Tableau Vivant - Skylight One Hanson from Sarah Small's Tableau Vivant on Vimeo.

Queseraserawhateverwillbewill bethefuture'snotourstosee.

A Gentle Reminder From Someone I Know:

"Don't think too much of getting married and afraid of too many things. We can't control every part of it. Just do the responsible part before getting married by choosing the person you can live with for the rest of your life, then get married. After that, pretty much not in our control already. What will be will be, just leave it to fate."

P/S: Hello, barang sesiapa yang baik hati senang hati sedap hati jatuh hati nak bagi duit raya digalakkan memindahkan wang anda ke maybank account yang berno. *510*2*4*538 (PM me for full details). Aku tak main-main. I'm seriously serious about the seriousness of being serious in all seriousness. Kbye.

Happy Raya Everyone!

Thank God for allowing me to see them another year. :)

PATHETIC ENOUGH

This is my blog. I don't need you to approve my shit.

Dear Sha,

Nobody must really know the truth inside,

But what makes all the sadness worthwhile?

Heads Up!

From,

Conscious Mind

Hari Bangang Sedunia

Selasa 23/8/2011

4.30pm! Balik-balik. Tangan pegang biskut raya bagai menuju ke stesen LRT KLCC. Sejak tinggal di kota tak-se-metropolitan sangat ni aku lagi prefer to travel by train rather than getting stuck in traffic yang boleh buat muka aku kerut kecut sampai orang lain selalu ingat aku 26 27 padahal aku baru jek 23 wei. Benci nak mampus.

Ok sampai LRT ticket vending machine tu macam biase kene la que. Aku tak suke que kat counter sebab akan membuat aku berkerut lagi kalau pekerja counter tu lembab. So untuk mengurangkan proses penuan adalah lebih afdal aku deal with machine.

Okay tibe turn aku. Aku tengok screen tekan Setiawangsa. Total: RM1.60. Aku masuk coins dengan wang kertas satu ringgit dengan cepat harap-harap machine tu pun keluarkan ticket dengan cepat. Tapi eh apsal tak keluar-keluar ticket. Ok tunggu tak keluar lagi aku tekan cancle nak pergi ke another vending machine kat sebelah. Tapi apsal machine ni tak pulangkan duit aku. Aku dah macam blur orang belakang pun blur tengok aku. Ish lantak la nasib baik RM1.60. Aku nak cepat.

Aku pun pergi ke que sebelah. Keluarkan RM1.60. Tunggu-tunggu sampai turn aku. Aku pun semangat nak masuk duit tu kat vending machine. Mase nak masuk coins tu aku baru sedar tangan kiri aku pegang ticket LRT which means aku memang dah dapat ticket from the first vending machine tadi. Patut la dia tak pulangkan duit aku. -___________________-". Muke aku bengang semacam. Nak elak kerut. Tambah lagi 20x kerut. Bodoh punye Sha.

Aku balik aku pikir balik apsal aku macam tu. Kadang-kadang aku tak sedar ape aku buat. Kadang-kadang orang call aku aku tak sedar aku cakap ape. Kadang-kadang aku text aku tak sedar aku text ape. Kadang-kadang aku masuk kereta terus tertekan minyak tak pikir ape. Tekejut sekejab. Adekah aku mengalami schizophrenia. CHOOOI. Umur baru 23 kak, anak pun belum ade lagi.



Ok nak share a few gambars of my parents perasan-pegantin-baru looks.
*They have nothing to do with the post above.




Ok meet my parents, Nordihayana Tey & Rosni Hamdan. Aku lupe anniversary dorg bile. Yang aku tahu dorg dah kahwin 24 tahun dan mempunyai 3 orang anak perempuan dan 3 orang anak lelaki yang comel-comel. Haha Rase loser kejab as the eldest among six. Dorg kawin muda dalam 19 & 2o gitu. Dorg loving tapi family kiteorg tak reti express/show our affections. I don't hug or kiss them but one thing's for sure - kau jentik family aku, kau mati.

Singling-gling-gling

Hello, happy Mournday everyone! Chill lah, We're approaching the end of Ramadhan already. Time flies, doesn't it? So how's your Raya preparation? I hope all goes well. This is the most exciting week I've been waiting for, Nah, it's not what you think, I don't feel like Raya-ing this year. I sorta realized that the great feelings of anticipation before Raya was diminished bit by bit as I grew older. I don't know why. Maybe it's just me. I'd rather choose bras over baju raya, can you imagine? I do feel bad, yes but I can't lie to myself or anyone else. Or else I will be faking myself and eating kuih raya all day long to keep myself occupied. Haha. I hate pretending that I care when I don't so please stop pushing me. Blame my immaturity/disability at the time of not knowing how to adapt myself to different circumstances in order to respond effectively to the needs of others. Hell, I ain't born to please anyone here. I choose who to love, What I want, Where I go. Haha yeah I know sometimes I sound like a douchebag to you, ade aku kisah? Akuhidupsorang-sorangbayarbillssorang-sorangadeplakkaukisah? SO STFU.

Eh lupa nak citer apsal excited, since kerja ni hari yang paling aku tunggu adalah hari bayaran! Yes. Nasib tempat keje aku bayar gaji awal macam ala-ala government sangat you oll.

Nah inilah all payments that need to be settled every month:

1. Room rental: RM400.00
2. Car loan: RM586.00
3. Petrol: Roughly RM150.00
4. LRT Car Park: Roughly RM60.00
5. LRT: Roughly RM 51.20
6. Food: Roughly M400.00


TOTAL : RM1,647.20! KA-CHING $$!
All the above items are being calculated on a monthly basis. Titik noktah.
So kau paham macam mane sengkek-nye aku towards month end. Nasib la company ni cover my phonebills RM200 monthly plus I've got the so-called privilege that allows me to claim certain expenses. Shhhhh, enough already, I think I'm revealing to much of my KE-SENGKEK-KAN here.



So many things can happen in the blink of an eye kan.*tibe-tibe* Aku malas nak tulis lagi. Citer lain hari. Tata.

Ramotionality

Rational: What's the point of getting into a relationship if you're not ready.
Emotional: It feels so good loving somebody and that somebody loves you back.

Rational: I'm not a commitment-phobe yet I don't think I will be able to commit a long-term relationship. The feelings of romance and passion will eventually evaporate.
Emotional: Loneliness can kill you. You'll die alone.

Rational: The ultimate purpose of dating is to find a life partner right? What's the rush? You ain't even close to being old enough to play a mature rated game, to find a perfect promise ring.
Emotional:Dating gives me a euphoric feeling of being admired. I love the way he treated me. I love his smile, his lame jokes, his hair, his everything.

Rational: He's not the one. I know what I want and my instinct couldn't be wrong.
Emotional: Nobody's perfect. We're imperfectly perfect together. Or at least I've someone to hold on.

Rational: Being single is sexy. You've brains in your head, you have feet in your shoes, you can steer any direction you choose, you do what you like and you don't need anyone to rectify your existence. You are on your own.
Emotional: I give top-notch priority to my partner. I love making him happy without considering my own. I treat him like a king and expect him to treat me as his queen. We share because we care. We devoted ourselves to each other, by hoping we both will be forever bonded in love.

.

Only dead fish follow the stream.

Too lazy to socialize

So weekend ni aku habiskan masa aku sorang-sorang di rumah sambil have sex with/ make love to food. Pathetic tak?

Here's the list of food aku telan weekend ini:

1. MCD Drive-Thru sausage egg muffin

2.KFC Drive-Thru AM Riser

3. Home made pancakes. Aku tetibe rajin.

4. Nasi Ambeng. Suke sangat!

5.Wendy's Mushroom Melt - Substitude for BK's Mushroom Swiss - Too cheesy to resist!

5. Samosa

6. Soybean milk with brown sugar.

7. Bubur Sagu

8. Nasi lemak ayam rempah

9. Meehoon ayam rendang

10. Some chocolates.

Yeah I'm currently addicted to Crunchy bite Nestle. Rasa dia macam kit-kat in wafer. Nestle hadiahkan aku sekotak untuk melantak.

OK SEBENARNYA I'M CRAVING FOR DOUGHNUT TAPI AKU BENGANG COUPLE MELAYU PILIH DOUGHNUT MACAM PILIH CINCIN KAHWIN. Aku agak bengang dan beredar dari que itu.

Di bawah adalah awkward situations yang aku sendiri cari pasal.

Situasi 1.

Stanley, my ex-colleague has been phoning me few times dan aku terlampau malas untuk menjawab sebab tak tahu nak bagi alasan ape.

So he texted me.

Stanley: So how? Tomorrow on?

Aku yang berasa bersalah lalu menjawab textnya.

Shake: Errr no mood already. I will confirm again by end of today.

Stanley: It's ok I go out with my friends first. Wait til you get in the mood next time.

Aku rasa bersalah tapi aku tahu dia paham kot. Bukan sekali jugak aku melepaskan kapal terbang. direct translation from "fang fei gei " cina cakap bermaksud someone broke a promise.

Situasi 2

Shirly jugak merupakan ex-colleague aku.

Shirly: Sha, call me please. I'm planning to go KKB today around 4ish. Let me know if you're free. Come lets go. This would be nice. We can lepak at Mamak stalk and tell stories.

Dia called aku sekali jek so aku tak rasa aku perlu balas text dia bagi alasan bagai. Aku malas la menipu padahal aku duduk rumah make love dengan makanan. So aku diam. And aku rasa dia paham.

Bukan sekali aku buat, dah banyak kali .

Situasi 3 dan 4.

Lebih kurang sama. My ex-colleague dan kawan tanya what's your plan for today. Aku jujur cakap aku kat rumah download tengok movies sambil makan. Aku tak rasa bersalah sangat sebab dorg tak invite aku kat mane-mane function.

The moral of the story:

A true friend who understands me would stay.

So far aku ade some true friends yang memang paham perangai aku yang agak social retard. Konsep aku senang, tak payah la nak banyak kawan sana sini, cukup la sahabat yang memahami dan baik hati.

I've a hard time socializing with others coz I'm very particular/ selective when it comes to choosing friends. Plus, aku ni pemalu. Puihhh.

WHEN IT COMES TO FRIENDS, IT'S QUALITY THAT COUNTS.

Otak Mencarut.

Tibe-tibe tengah rally pastu ade lagu everyday im shuffling kan best. Shuffle sambil rally bukan lagi aman.

Ntah. I miss Tun alot.

Rebelliousilly

Ok I had been invited to Cartoon Network Roadshow last week and yeah that was a good exposure for me since aku tak tengok sangat cartoon sebab rumah sewa aku tak subscribe cartoon network. Banyak la cartoon-cartoon characters were showing on that day and aku amat teruja dengan bende alah comel-comel yang selama ni aku IDGF langsung. Tapi yang paling aku teruja ialah aku tidak perlu masuk office. I hate office job seriously. Kalau la aku lawa seperti Doutzen Kroes aku rasa aku dah kerja sebagai flight attendant layan private jet sambil mengelilingi dunia. Wahai sha tengok la lemak-lemak ko yang mengelebeh ituh tu.

It was held at The Garden so aku sempat pergi sole what tanye pasal kasut. Jalan-jalan window shopping kat mid val. Omg selagi aku teruja dengan Kapal lanun Caribbean di tengah-tengah concourse area itu. Gempak gile ok. Ok lepas tu lepak chillis makan makan dan mengadu domba a.k.a gossiping dengan Chris and Mandy. Rase seronok bila pikir orang lain tengah kerja dan aku tengah besuka-ria. Kejam. Manusia memang suke tengok ketidaksenangan orang lain. . Haha. Sedang mereka berdua sedang bergossip, aku sebagai staff baru hanya mampu mendengar dan menikmati hidangan aku. Kadang-kadang aku ade lah terkeluar cakap eh? oh.. eh? ohhh seiously?.. eh? Malas nak banyak bunyi. Nanti la tunggu aku jadi dinosaur baru aku layak bergossip.

Lepas tu we had decided to watch a movie. Ok fyi kiteorg advertiser/marketer akan dapat free passes every month from TGV, GSC as well as Cineplex tu. Aku yang baru join ni hanya dapat beberapa keping tickets free kadang kala dan lepas aku confirm nanti aku akan dapat beberapa booklet free passes yang semamangnya heaven for a movie buff like me.

Ok aku dah rase makin malas nak tekan keyboard ni. Ok cut the crap, mid val movie showing sangat la lambat so aku pergi wangsa walk untuk menonton Fast five untuk kali ke 2. Haha who cares sebab ticket aku adalah free. My boss went to fetch his son and we were planning to sneak her son into the cinema since the movie adalah untuk 18 tahun ke atas ye. Ok dah beli ticket popocorn semua nak masuk kene tahan plak. Kiteorang buat PR pun tak lepas gak. Ok aku makin-makin-makin malas nak menaip. Okay. Chaiyok. Tukar ticket. Masuk hall. Bape minit kemudian tuka hall fast 5. Ambik ko sape suh halang aku. Anak boss aku hyperactive plak memekak dalam cinema. Mesti orang lain rase annoying nak cekik mati jek budak tu. Aku dulu time study memang suke acah-acah pergi toilet. tuka-tuka hall movie since weekdays tak pack sangat hall tu.

Lady boss cakap dalam bahasa english "aku sangat rebellious". Ok bile aku pk kalau get caught tadi ade denda 4 ribu seminggu cinema tu tutup and last but not least I will be banned by TGV and my brand manager for the rest of my life. Phewwwww pikir balik.

Rasa BODOH GILA. Grow up sha, grow up please!

Bump bump Car

Kalau semua kereta kat jalan raya macam bump bump car funfair tu. Tak de la acccident teruk. Siap boleh main gedik gedik langar-langar lagi. Haih~

Pole Dancing

Apsal tengah malam LRT tak beroperasi. Aku rasa macam nak take over sekejab buat business. Aku nak buat tempat ber so-sial. Di dalam train di isi dengan pole dancers, alcohol dan milk shake dan sebagainya. Sambil bersosial dorg boleh menikmati permandangan kota raya. Amacam. Boleh jadi jutawan tak aku? Haha ahli neraka pasti.

Splash Painting

I wish I could splash colorful paints all over KLCC. Aku dah bosan tengok building yang sama hari-hari.

h?

Ok tak mungkin. Bukan hak aku.

Nanti dah ada rumah. Aku nak simbah cat jek kat dinding. Dinding luar rumah.

Ko rase mak mentua aku marah tak? Mungkinka

I love being lonesome.

I have to be alone very often. I'd be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That's how I refuel.
-Audrey Hepburn-

Hey You!

You're a jerk, an asshole an immature. You don't make sense and sometimes I just want to strangle you. But on top of that I just want to let you know that you are my everything, Everything.

Lace adalah renda

Google translate = Lace adalah renda. Terima kasih google terjermah. Google adalah jenama. Tidak boleh diterjemahkan dalam Bahasa Malaysia.
Mahu cuba coli berenda.
Dulu aku selalu kutuk coli mak aku berrenda.
Sekarang aku pula mahu mencuba. Sudah meningkat usia mungkin.

Manusia berubah.
Betul manusia sentiasa berubah.
Oleh itu, jangan janji apa-apa. Sebenarnya sedih dengan perubahan manusia walaupun tahu diri sendiri pun sudah berubah. Tengah ditengah tengah terima hakikat dan tidak terima hakikat = so takterimaterimahakikat. Ok tak kelakar. Bye.

Holla

Hi Blogspot, my name is Sha. I don't bite and I know you won't judge!

Cheers!

Empty.

Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.