Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Thursday, May 6, 2010


In the matters of love, I am just plain mean. I finally realized that I may have broken a heart in my quest which is wrong to do. Sometimes I think it can’t be helped but perhaps I should have been the one to know better and slow down.

Those walls I built against him, I wonder if it’s going to tumble down. The more I run the more its drawing me nearer. Why does it have to be so complicated? He is in the shadow in everything I do. No matter how right the next guys seems to be, there is always finally something that I can’t settle for. Though this “shadow” that’s following me ain’t perfect either, I keep waiting endlessly.

He is my sweetest sin that I’m never forgetting. I took a bite of the red, juicy APPLE. I knew it was forbidden. I knew it was temptation. Yet, I threw all caution to the wind and took the plunge. There will always be consequences to our own actions and I’m willing to be responsible for this one.

I wish for a sign every day, for a light to show me the way, a little sign at least so that i know what I’m doing is right. But i guess it doesn’t work that way, so i’ll rest it for today with this decision, despite the unknown, the instability and the pain of the hurt that is yet to come.

Dear friend,

You do me good; treat me like the girl that I am. Provide me with the simple needs that some guys can’t. You’re the kindest of hearts when it comes to my needs; you have the will do anything. Though you are the perfect lover, perhaps, you are not the perfect one for me. Unreasonable I know, but that is how it is. Perhaps, simply, you are not my destiny.

You will question this, as soon as you read but this are the words my lips dare not speak. I couldn’t break a heart that is the most understanding what more the most caring. You may stare in disbelief and frown in dismay, but this is how it has to be, this is all I can explain.

I need to stop this game, the game I wish not to play. The more it levels, the more it will hurt when it comes to a day like this. You may not understand for being in the dark so long and for not knowing. Thank you my hero, thank you my friend. I wish to have you as a friend and not repent, for now…and always.

Dear god, please guide me, give me a sign, keep me away from the bad and keep me from straying. Please keep me under the light and away from the heartache.

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